TALES OF TELGUUTH THE COLOSSAL WEALTH OF KARN FOUL-EYE – 2000ad submission example
INTRODUCTORY INFO
Telguuth is a completely alien world, with no relation to the Earth we know. We have a whole world to set the stories in, so they could range from freezing polar wastes to the stinkingly hot tropics; I suspect most of the stories will be set in the latter, where it’s hot and sweaty and luxuriant. The civilisation is pretty much non-technological, somewhere between mediaeval Europe and the Arabian Nights. There are few scientists, but many magicians. Kings and queens rule from walled cities. Soldiers are armoured and fight with swords, bows, etc. There are slaves. The presence of the dead is much felt, and there are vast necropolises outside the cities. There is also easy contact with the magical, the alien and the extra-dimensional.
Telguuth is a world in the galactic hub, where the stars are very close together. The night sky is filled with brilliant stars and nearby suns. There are many moons. By day, the sky could change colour at a moment’s notice. Drifts of interstellar gas and dust provide a bridge for alien entities and plagues to pass from world to world. The gravitic warping of space caused by the nearness of the stars opens up portals to other dimensions. The high stellar radiation causes nature to run wild in luxuriant profusion.
While I’m all for alien plants and animals, I believe the characters should be human beings. I think horror is much more effective if the terrible things are happening to people like ourselves, rather than humanoids with tails, horns, etc. … and frankly, I’m bored to death with Star Wars aliens, Klingons, and god-knows-what. Besides, humanoid aliens would probably detract from the actual monsters that will appear on occasion.
That said, our humans can be bizarre … in fact the overall visual look I’d like is one of bizarre, begemmed exoticism. Our characters can have tattoos, jewels, strange hairstyles, deformities, sumptuous costumes, etc. Please let your imagination run riot … similarly, architecture, carriages, etc., can be as weird as you like, within the confines of a non-technological civilisation. And as most stories will be set in different places, we don’t have to worry about consistency of style from one story to another.
PAGE ONE
Four frames here. I see the first as a wide horizontal frame, right across the page, but fairly shallow. The second frame is large, almost half a page, and includes the titles. Frames 3 and 4 take up the last bank, at the bottom of the page.
1.
A wide, horizontal frame, fairly shallow; and this is little more than a scene-setting long-shot. It’s day, although there could be some of the many moons of Telguuth, seen hanging in the sky as pale crescents. Our viewpoint might be from a hilltop, and we’re looking somewhat downward toward a small town by the seashore, called Pelatra. It has a harbour, in which two or three fast pirate ships are tied up. These probably look more like Roman galleys than anything else, and obviously they don’t have cannons. The town itself consists mainly of taverns, strung along the harbour, with perhaps a few other buildings behind these. The taverns can be of any sort of weird architecture you like, although there’s nothing too aristocratic here. This is probably a fairly hot part of the planet, so the buildings could be of baked brick with plastered walls, and there might be some tropical trees growing between them. Looking beyond the town is the sea, and perhaps a few islands in the distance.
BOX: TELGUUTH, AT THE GALACTIC HUB.
BOX: PELATRA, A SAFE HAVEN BY THE VERSPICIAN SEA…
BOX: AND A NEST OF PIRATES.
2.
Big pic, including titles, toward right of pic. Inside one of the taverns, which is a very rough place indeed, with wooden tables and benches, and wine, beer and bloodstains all across the floor. Apart from small windows and the door, there’s more light provided by candles and oil-lamps. The main emphasis here is on Karn Foul-Eye, a big, muscular barbarian who’s just come through the main entrance door, and is now looking round at the pirates in the inn. He wears little more than a loin-cloth and sandals, and perhaps some jewellery. He has long hair, and he might have tattoos. His left eye is missing, and instead he has a scar across the eye-socket which hasn’t healed properly: there are the marks of crude stitches in his flesh, and the wound oozes. At his belt is a dagger. He holds a large wooden war-club in his right hand, and lets its heavy head rest on his right shoulder. Over his left shoulder is a sack, big enough to hold a man inside, and from the way this changes shape from frame to frame, it appear there really is a living man inside, wriggling about. Around him in the tavern are as many pirates as you want to draw: they’re mostly young, not too clean, and some of them are scarred or maimed. It’s hot, so they don’t wear a lot (and, obviously, they don’t look like the 18th century pirates of Earth). Some might be tattooed, others might be missing ears. Most have at least some jewellery, and they’re armed with swords and daggers. They drink beer and wine from earthenware mugs, and they look vicious, and annoyed by Karn interrupting their drinking. One of them, near Karn, looks particularly angry, and is turning to yell at him. In b/g, we might see a scantily clad dancing girl on one of the tables, and there are probably one or two serving maids, trying to avoid having their clothes torn off by drunken pirates.
BOX: MOST OF THEM TO BE FOUND AT THE SEA-
STRUMPET TAVERN —
KARN: I’M LOOKING FOR CAPTAIN BALUNG!
KARN: THRANBO BALUNG!
PIRATE: AND WHO ARE YOU, PUS-FACE?
3.
We now close in more on Karn and the pirate who was yelling at him in the previous frame. Almost casually, Karn has now swung his club round and hit the pirate a savage blow on the head. The pirate is knocked out of his chair and is sprawling toward the floor, already unconscious and probably with a fractured skull. The sack on Karn’s other shoulder continues to wriggle. None of the other pirates are paying much attention. These things happen all the time.
KARN: KARN FOUL-EYE’S THE NAME, DENT-HEAD!
KARN: REMEMBER IT WHEN THEY’RE PICKING SKULL-BITS
OUT OF YOUR BRAIN!
4.
No need to see Karn here, unless you wanted to have him partially seen in very close f/g to one side of pic; perhaps just his arm and shoulder, looking away from us. Mainly, though, this pic concentrates on Thranbo Balung, the pirate captain Karn has come to find. Balung sits on a bench with his back against the wall at the side of the tavern. On his knee sits a beautiful, scantily clad brunette, long hair spilling all down her back and wearing lots of jewellery that Balung has given her. Balung is a vicious, scarred, craggy-faced man in his 30s, quite muscular (though not as muscular as Karn), perhaps tattooed in various places. The front half of his head is shaved, while the hair at the back is a long single plait that he winds round his neck. He has long, drooping moustaches, trousers that extend just below the knee, a sword and dagger at his belt. There’s a low table in front of him and the brunette, and on the table a couple of mugs and a jar of wine … and a spike-headed battle-mace, which is Balung’s favourite weapon.
BALUNG: AND I’M THRANBO BALUNG, YOU OVER-MUSCLED
OAF.
BALUNG: APART FROM TROUBLE, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
PAGE TWO
Six frames. Frames 3 and 4 are effectively in flashback, and might be distinguished from the other frames with a different frame-border, or different colour-effects, or something similar. I’d suggest we do this as three banks.
1.
Karn now sits down at the table on the bench opposite Balung. The brunette has got up off Balung’s knee now, and is starting to move away as Balung slaps her backside hard. She doesn’t look pleased by this rough handling. Karn has dumped down the sack by his left side, which continues to wriggle about. We’re probably looking at them from more or less side on here, with Karn more to left of pic, Balung more to right; the brunette moving off into b/g.
KARN: I WANT TO MAKE YOU RICH, BALUNG. YOU AND ALL YOUR POX-RADDLED CREW.
KARN: AND ME.
BALUNG: AND HOW’S AN IDIOT BARBARIAN LIKE YOU GOING
TO DO THAT?
2.
Balung only partially seen in close f/g to right of pic, looking away from us. Most emphasis is on Karn, sitting at the table facing him, grinning and upending the wine-jar to pour a lot of dark wine into one of the mugs. Balung might be slapping a hand on the table in disbelief.
KARN: I’M GOING TO HELP YOU ROB KING SKEREN’S
TREASURE-GALLEY.
BALUNG: WHAT?
BALUNG: BY SMEAT’S RIPE BUTT! YOU ARE MAD!
3.
Flashback frame. Out at sea. King Skeren’s treasure-galley sales along, with escort ships. The design of the ships can be pretty much as you choose, but think more in terms of ships of the ancient world, rather than more recent times. The treasure galley has at least one bank of oars on each side, as well as sails. We don’t need to see all eight of the escort vessels, although we should see one or two. These would vary between being light, small ships built for speed and filled with archers, and heavily-armed war-vessels, with catapults and armoured troops. Up to you: we could do this as a long-shot, showing the treasure-galley and a couple of the escort ships. Or we could have one of the ships in close f/g, so we can see some of the armed men on deck, and one or more of the escort vessels in b/g, sailing along fairly close beside the galley.
BOX: “SKEREN’S GALLEY HAS EIGHT ARMED ESCORT
SHIPS, ALL THE WAY FROM THE COLONIES TO FRANKILLE.
BOX: “EVERY MAN ABOARD’S KILLED FOUR PIRATES AND
EATEN THEIR ENTRAILS FRIED!
4.
Flashback. Our viewpoint is from just about sea-level, and in the f/g we can see the heads and shoulders of a couple of sea-devils rising out of the water and looking away from us toward the galley, in b/g. The sea-devils are a demonic cross between man and fish: they have arms, legs and head like a human, but their green skin is scaly (larger scales on the back than on the front and face). They have a long fin running down their spine, and a fin-like crest on their heads, running from back to front. Large eyes and flat noses, wide mouths with sharp, shark-like teeth. Webbed feet with sharp toe-talons, and spurs on their heels and elbows. They look toward the galley, which is only partially seen in b/g. At the ship’s rail stands the sorcerer, Syvlo Sluns, an immaculately groomed figure in a long magical robe, his long hair lacquered into spikes and a complete, upright circle on top of his head. He holds up a circular talisman, a bit bigger than his hand, which he’s showing to the sea-devils.
BOX: “WORSE, THE SEA-DEVILS OF TOTHNOR STRAIT
PROTECT THEM AS WELL.
BOX: “SKEREN’S SORCERER, SYVLO SLUNS, CONTROLS
THEM WITH THE TALISMAN OF GORKAR…”
5.
From much the same angle as frame 2, above, with Balung only partially seen at right of frame, looking away from us. Main emphasis is on Karn here. He’s turned to his left and opened the top of the sack, pulling it down so that we can see the head and shoulders of the man inside the sack. This is Syvlo Sluns. He’s tied up and gagged. His hair is all messed up, his clothing torn. He has a large bruise on his forehead and some dried blood that has trickled down the side of his face. He looks dirty, pained, wide-eyed and desperately terrified. His talisman now also lies on the table in front of Karn, who has a big grin as he makes this startling revelation.
KARN: RIGHT. I’VE HAD SLUNS IN THIS BAG FOR THREE
DAYS. HE’S STARTING TO SMELL.
KARN: GOT HIS TALISMAN TOO.
BALUNG: BUT… HOW?
6.
Reversing the angle, so Karn and Sluns face away from us is f/g. Sluns is most toward left, Karn about centre pic, while Balung is towards right, facing us and Karn across the table. Karn is casually banging Sluns’ head on the table, just for fun. Balung is now laughing, perhaps slapping his hand on the table as he agrees
KARN: I BROKE INTO HIS HOUSE AND HIT HIM.
KARN: DO WE HAVE A DEAL?
BALUNG: SMEAT’S DUGS! WE DO!
PAGE THREE
Six frames. Lay it out pretty much as you please.
1.
Later. It’s day-time, and we’re now at Tothnor Strait, a relatively narrow channel between the land and a large island, and we might see some of the land in b/g here, with palm-like trees rising above a rocky coast. Karn and Balung have sailed here on Balung’s pirate ship. Okay, there are two ways we can do this. The first is that our viewpoint is from on board the ship, with Karn and Balung in the f/g, looking toward each other as they discuss their deal. Karn now wears the talisman on a leather thong round his neck, and holds the war-club casually by his side. Sluns, still bound and gagged, sits on the deck near Karn’s feet. We look past them across the sea toward the coast. The other way is to look from the sea toward the ship, with the three of them in the same positions, and some of the coast rising beyond the ship, behind them. This second way means you’d have to draw more of the ship. I leave it up to you.
BOX: “THEN LET’S BE AWAY TO TOTHNOR STRAIT.”
KARN: SO, A THIRD OF SKEREN’S JEWEL-HOARD FOR ME,
THE REST FOR YOU AND YOUR MEN.
KARN: NOW, GIVE ME A BOAT …
2.
No need to see the pirate ship. Karn has moved out into clear water in a small rowing boat. He has the bound Sluns sitting with him, looking utterly terrified. Karn isn’t rowing here. He sits and holds up the talisman, looking slightly away from us toward b/g, where two male sea-devils can be seen, their heads and shoulders rising out of the water. They don’t look particularly pleased, but the talisman makes them obey.
KARN: HA! THOUGHT YOU’D RECOGNISE GARKOR’S
TALISMAN, YOU SCALY-SKINNED TRASH!
KARN: NOW, BRING UP THAT HAG WHO’S YOUR QUEEN!
3.
No need to see Karn here: all the emphasis is on Nalopeen, queen of the Sea-devils. She sits on a throne, the back of which is shaped from a giant scallop-shell. This has been raised to the surface by male sea-devils, who might be seen holding it. Like the male sea-devils, she’s covered with scales, though hers are smaller and her colouring is paler, especially at the front. Instead of a single crest on her head, she has one central crest and two smaller crests. She has no hair, but her face is much more human, and she has an exotic beauty, small mouthed, full-lipped and slant-eyed. She knows she’s beautiful too, and she doesn’t look at all pleased at Karn calling her a hag. She wears no clothes, but she does have lots of jewellery, and she sits there on her throne, one leg crossed over the other, perhaps holding a jewelled sceptre. She’s beautiful and imperious. An alien sea-goddess. A Venus from another world.
NALOPEEN: WHO DARES CALL NALOPEEN OF THE SEA-DEVILS
‘HAG’?
KARN (o/p): I DARE… BUT SEEING YOU, I WOULDN’T!
4.
The scalloped edge of Nalopeen’s throne seen in close f/g, to one side of pic, facing away from us. Nalopeen herself is not seen, and we look past the throne toward Karn, still sitting in his boat and facing us. Despite what he’s saying, he’s obviously staring lustfully at Nalopeen on her throne. Sluns sits in the boat with him, still looking terrified. The boat and the throne are only a few feet apart.
KARN: STILL, RIGHT NOW I’VE MY EYE ON SKEREN’S GEM-
SHIP.
KARN: IF YOUR DEVILS TAKE CARE OF THE ESCORT-SHIPS,
YOU CAN EAT AS MANY OF THE CREW AS YOU LIKE.
KARN: LEAVE THE GEMS TO US, AND YOU CAN HAVE
SYVLO SLUNS, TOO.
5.
Drawing back. We’re now looking at the boat and throne from side-on, with Karn and his boat toward left of pic. Karn is reaching out to grab Sluns, showing Nalopeen what he’s offering. Nalopeen leans forward eagerly on her throne, obviously liking the deal being offered.
KARN: AFTERWARDS, YOU CAN HAVE HIS TALISMAN.
NALOPEEN: AND AS A SIGN OF YOUR GOOD FAITH…?
6.
No need to see Nalopeen or her throne. We’re looking toward Karn and his boat from near water-level. Karn is tossing Sluns overboard, and as he does so, Sluns’ gag comes loose, allowing him a last scream of terror. In f/g, one of the male sea-devils has appeared out of the water, and is reaching out both hands toward Sluns, obviously about to catch him and drag him down below. Karn is grinning.
KARN: WHY, PROMISE NO HARM TO ME…
KARN: AND YOU CAN EAT SLUNS NOW!
PAGE FOUR
Five frames. The fifth should be big, for an action-packed battle-scene.
1.
Some days later. It’s daylight. We’re still at Tothnor Strait, onboard Balung’s pirate ship. Karn and Balung stand in f/g, and we look past them out to sea where, some way off in the distance, we can see Skeren’s galley and its escort ships approaching. They might be coming round a headland toward the Strait, in which case we’d only need to see a couple of the ships. No real need to see much of Balung’s ship; the two of them can be standing at a side-rail, looking out, away from us, toward the sea in b/g. Karn is dressed as previously, though he’ll continue to wear the talisman round his neck throughout the following battle. Balung (and the other pirates) might now be wearing odd bits of light armour, and they’re all armed, with swords, bows, etc.
BALUNG: YOU’RE SURE NALOPEEN WILL DO WHAT SHE
PROMISED?
KARN: EXACTLY. SHE NEEDS SLUNS’ TALISMAN TO BE
FREE.
KARN: AH… HERE COMES SKEREN’S FLEET.
2.
Underwater. We’re looking up toward the surface, and the hull of one of the escort ships. A couple of sea-devils swim away from us, armed with axes and knives made of sharpened seashell. One of the sea-devils is up close to the hull, and is swinging his axe, starting to cut a hole in the hull. We really only need to see one ship’s hull, but add as many other sea-devils as you wish, all armed and ready for battle. Nalopeen is not among them here.
KARN (link to previous): AND NALOPEEN’S DEVILS SHOULD ALREADY BE ON THE ATTACK.
3.
In f/g, we can see one of the escort ships sinking; probably little more than the stern and a mast are now visible above the water. Beyond this, we can see Balung’s pirate ship, passing quite close to the sinking ship and heading away from us toward Skeren’s treasure galley, further off in b/g. Karn and Balung, if seen at all, would be little more than dots on the bow of the pirate ship.
KARN: SO, BALUNG, LET’S PUT YOUR PIRATE-SCUM TO
WORK!
4.
On board the treasure galley, looking toward the side-rail. In close f/g, one of the defending sailors is starting to fall with an arrow in his chest, screaming. Looking beyond him to the side-rail, we see Karn, a couple of pirates and at least one sea-devil clambering over the rail, ready to attack. Karn has his club; the others have swords, axes, shell-knives, etc., and they all look bloodthirsty and ready to kill. There might be a couple of defending soldiers running toward them, perhaps wearing armour and holding swords. Looking past Karn and the others, we can see a bit of the pirate ship, which has now drawn alongside for boarding. There might already be other dead bodies on deck with arrows in them, killed by archers before the ships came alongside.
KARN: SPARE NO ONE!
KARN: JUST KILL TILL THE DECKS RUN WITH BLOOD!
5.
Big pic, on the deck of the treasure-galley. Main emphasis is on Karn, legs spread apart for balance on the deck, spattered in blood and swinging his war-club around in a mighty arc, smashing it against the head of an attacking soldier, who is being knocked off his feet, screaming and spitting blood and teeth. Karn has a grin, and looks as if he’s enjoying himself. He still wears the talisman. To either side of him are other soldiers, armed with swords, trying to get close enough to attack him. In b/g, we can see Balung smashing out with his mace … and as many other pirates, sea-devils, soldiers and dead bodies as you want to show. Lots of blood, death and violence.
KARN: NOW THIS IS WHAT I CALL LIVING!
KARN: SEEING OTHER MEN DIE!
PAGE FIVE
Six frames here. Lay it out as you will.
1.
We’re still on the treasure galley. The battle is now over. Karn and Balung have survived, and now stand near a wooden-walled strong-room that stands in the middle of the deck. Around them, there are dead bodies everywhere. From b/g, Nalopeen and a couple of armed sea-devils are approaching Balung, looking threatening. Balung looks toward the sea-devils, puzzled and worried. Karn shrugs unconcernedly.
BALUNG: WE’VE DONE IT, KARN! THE SHIP’S OURS!
BALUNG: BUT WHY ARE THESE DEVILS — ?
KARN: BECAUSE I TOLD NALOPEEN THEY COULD…
2.
Karn, to left of pic, looks on casually as one of the sea-devils now grabs Balung, and sinks its teeth into his neck. Blood spurts, and Balung screams. If there’s room, we could also show other sea-devils attacking the surviving pirates in b/g; the only human left alive after this will be Karn. We might also see Nalopeen moving toward Karn from b/g.
KARN: AFTER ALL, WHY SHOULD I SHARE ANYTHING WITH
SCUM LIKE YOU?
KARN: AND THEY’VE NO INTEREST IN GEMS. JUST FLESH.
BALUNG: YOU — YIEEGH!
3.
Looking directly toward the door of the treasure-chamber, which is open a little way. Nalopeen stands at left of pic, looking toward Karn and reaching out a hand. Karn, facing away from us, is distractedly holding out the talisman toward her, with his left hand. In his right he holds his club, which he’s just used to smash open the chamber door. Through the open door, we can see heaps of jewels lying on the floor (diamonds, emeralds, rubies, etc.), and maybe treasure chests which are open to display yet more gems. Karn only has an eye for these.
NALOPEEN: NOW, KARN FOUL-EYE, THE TALISMAN!
KARN: HERE! DON’T TROUBLE ME WHILE I’M SMASHING
THIS LOCK!
KARN: BLAZING HELLS! LOOK AT THAT!
4.
Inside the chamber, looking toward the door. In close f/g, the top of the jewel heap can be seen, and looking over this we see Karn, who’s stepped forward, dropping his club now, starting to sink to his knees so he can get his hands full of jewels. At the same time, though, he’s starting to look round over his shoulder in surprise. He’s looking back toward the door, at left of pic, where Nalopeen is looking round the door, about to pull it shut. She grins at him wickedly, enjoying this last trick.
NALOPEEN: LOOK YOUR FILL, FOOL! WE PROMISED NOT TO EAT
YOU, BUT NOW WE HAVE THE TALISMAN…
NALOPEEN: WE CAN STILL LOCK YOU IN AND SINK THE SHIP!
KARN: WHAT – ?
5.
Inside the treasure-chamber, the door of which is now closed. True to her word, Nalopeen has sunk the ship, and the chamber is now filling up with water … it might be completely full already, and our viewpoint here is from underwater, as Karn tries desperately to swim up to the ceiling in search of the last air. There isn’t any, except for the bubbles coming out of his mouth.
NALOPEEN (link to previous): FAREWELL, KARN FOOL-HEAD!
NALOPEEN: ENJOY YOUR DEATH!
KARN: NO!
6.
Down on the bottom of the sea, many years later. The wrecked ship has now collapsed and the treasure chamber has fallen apart. Although there are lots of spars of wood, hull-timbers, bits of mast, etc., scattered around in b/g, we mainly concentrate now on the heap of jewels, lying on the bottom of the sea. Sitting on the jewel-heap is the skeleton of Karn Foul-Eye, as if still guarding his treasure, while strange fish nibble the flesh from his bones. His skull might show cut over the left eye socket.
CAP: “AFTER ALL, IT’S NOT OFTEN A MAN GETS TO TAKE
SO MUCH WEALTH WITH HIM.
CAP: “AND TO KEEP IT FOR CENTURIES TOO!”
THE END
Lonely – Synopsis
There are two characters, Marlene and Michael . Marlene is 17, Michael is 18. They are from England and live in Northampton. Michael had a twin sister called Michelle who died in the womb
Marlene is always confused when Michael talks to Michelle. Marlene is very smart; she can figure out stuff very quickly Michael can see her but Marlene can’t. This is not revealed until the end.
Michael is an inmate in the institution to hide why he is in there. The people in the institution go out on a day trip but it looks too neat and too good to be true then it turns out that its fenced but still in the institution so they are trapped but they don’t know that. A couple worker called Marco and Lorenzo (smaller characters) are really confused as Michael leads them out of the institution when the workers should be doing that. The workers take over the job that Michael did. Marlene is confused and questions Michael.
It is then revealed that
However, this leads into future problems for Marlene which is the downside of being too smart and it doesn’t get resolved until later on in the story. Michael keep secrets (about his sister and the truth why he is in there) which turn into bigger problem. During the problem Marlene loses sleep trying to figure out why Michael is talking into space whilst also figuring out why he is actually in the institution. Marlene eventually gets out of her own problem. Sometimes when she is with Michael she can hear a really high pitched female sounding voice but this only starts to happen when she gets close to finding out about Michelle but she doesn’t fully get it until Michael tells her about Michelle then Marlene can start to hear her p roperly and then can eventually communicate with her. This then helps Marlene to figure out the real reason why Michael is in there which she does without Michael telling her. She doesn’t figure it out until a few days after he told her about Michelle but then he finds out that Michelle is a spirit then this changes everything and they’re both able to get out of the institution this then ends the story.
Power of the voice
Paralinguistic features
Emotion
Pauses
Pacing
Tone
Pitch
Rhythm
Stress
Silence
Volume
Structure
Accent: Identity, Ethnicity, Religion, Class
Dialogue (secondary)
– The Room (example of bad dialogue)
– Colonel Water
– Chasing Amy
Lily Dalley 